Greetings and salutations from the sand, sun and surf of Cape Cod, Martha’s Vineyard and the great island of Nantucket! So good, as always, to be with you, on this twenty first day of June, 2011, coming to you LIVE from Osterville on yet another spectacular late spring day on Cape Cod. To quote a man who I walked with some twenty years ago, along with Don Henley of the “Eagles”, a charity walk to raise money to save Walden Woods from developers, the sacred forest where Henry David Thoreau, the great author, environmentalist and all round genius, did most of his work, Mr. Kevin Nealon, of SNL fame of course, quoting what he said on Bill Maher’s venerable HBO show, “Real Time, with Bill Maher”...”IF I MAY”. Yes, if I may say a few things about another individual, who should not even be mentioned in the same breath as the men I just mentioned, a hater by the name of Neal Boortz, or “Mighty Whitey”, as he likes to be called, a radio talk show host out of Atlanta, Georgia, a popular one at that, number eight in the nation I believe Ed Shultz said on his show last night, I know, just stay with me, his show being, “The Ed Show”, airing every week night, save Friday, only on MSNBC, who apparently ruffled old Neal’s feather’s when he quoted what the man said recently about the crime in Atlanta, claiming that Ed “took him out of context.” You be the judge. Mr. Boortz, verbatim, ladies and gentlemen, “We got too many damn urban thugs, yo, ruining the quality of life for everybody. And I’ll tell you what it’s gonna take. You people, you are (reminding us all of the classic film, “The Blues Brothers”, and the scene where the Illinois Nazi party is holding a rally on some bridge, and their fearless, insane leader is yelling through a bullhorn at the angry crowd, who abhors them, ‘well, whitey what are you gonna do? You’re gonna become a member of the American white people’s party,’ or something to that effect)–you people need to have a gun. You need to have training (army training sir?). You need to know how to use that gun.” Great, it’s solved, finally, thank God. The answer, via the wisdom of Mr. Neal Boortz, unfortunately he’ll be here all week folks, the answer to Atlanta’s urban crime ’spree’ (having nothing to do with all of the guns shipped in via the merchants of death, the gun show promoters, who offer guns with no background checks…thanks NRA!) is more guns for everybody, making the job of the police much more difficult as well as more dangerous, not to mention the fact that a gun is more likely to cause harm to someone in the HOME, but, hey, Neal, buddy, don’t let statistics get in your way. Yes, Neal Boortz, your logic is “top notch, top notch”, (credit the late, great Ted Knight and his fine work in the classic film, circa 1978, Caddyshack) let us also offer our citizens more extended clips, so after they blow away the purse snatcher, they can fire off some more rounds into the crowd, where I’m sure they won’t cause any harm. Hell, more AK-47’s in our homes equals more protection and the illusion of safety via firepower and soon, maybe in time for the Fourth of July, we can introduce rocket propelled grenade launchers–to quote one of Neal’s long time listeners, “um, er, ’cause, dag nabbit, no fancy pants Washington D.C. politician is gonna tell me I can’t buy me one of them rocket launchers, ’cause it ‘ain’t fair that old Roy down the street got one at a gun show last week in Cleveland! I got rights, you betcha, what is it that ‘mendment, um, the third, no, I think it’s the second, yeah, the second ‘mendment, where our “leader” in the tea parties, all twenty five of them, tell us when we need to ‘reload’ and I’m ’ssuming who to aim at!” But, as Ed pointed out, Boortz was not through, continuing on, “You need to get a permit to carry that gun. And do in fact need to carry that gun and we need to see some dead thugs littering the streets of Atlanta. We need more dead thugs in the city.” Seems like crystal clear “context” to me Mr., Neal “What are you gonna do about it, Whitey”, Boortz. “Yes, Neal, this theory of yours, about the guns and all, really seems to have hit the nail right on the head!” (credit the late, great Graham Chapman of Great Britain’s finest export, “Monty Python’s Flying Circus”) Oh, but wait, Neal is not through, he goes on to say, “…you do in fact need to carry that gun and we need to see some dead thugs littering the landscape in Atlanta, we need to see the next guy that tries to carjack you shot dead right where he stands. We need more dead thugs in this city. And let their–let there mommas–let their mommas say…’He was a good boy. He just fell in with the good crowd.’ And then lock her ass up.” Nice, Mighty “Whitey” “Christian” of you. You sir, are a gentleman and a scholar. Have a nice day folks and come on down to the Cape and Islands for the summer, “we’ll leave the LIGHT on for ya”. PRESERVE THE WILDERNESS! Peace~M
June 21, 2011
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